Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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