I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize