giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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