That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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