I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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