i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Text me some of your sweat
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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