The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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