if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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