I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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