Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
