Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
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Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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