i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
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That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
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