dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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