i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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