I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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