I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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