Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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