I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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