She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize