Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize