after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
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If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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