my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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