A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
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Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
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I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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