Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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