Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize