Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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