he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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