her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize