I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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