Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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