Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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