i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
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Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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