It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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