I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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