i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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