I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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