someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize