He is an equal opportunity slut.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize