my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize