So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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