So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
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No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
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What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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