If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize