wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize