Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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