wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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