A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
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I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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