I could make wine with my vomit
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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