Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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