My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You are a genius and a whore.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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