Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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